Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
