Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
