I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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