he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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