Welp...herpes.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
This can only be settled by a dance off.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
