Are we in a gay sports bar?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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