Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
