I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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