That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
