I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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