I wish you could order shots online.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
