he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
