love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
