OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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