I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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