I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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