i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
