my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
