dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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