life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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