how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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