Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
