i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
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After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
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I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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