i was born a porn star she said
everyone is single if you try hard enough
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
