Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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