I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
