It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
