i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
