RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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