I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
