I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
