It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
