the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
