ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
