I want to have your abortion
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
