No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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