saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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