So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
