I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
