perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
