OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
