So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
