as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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