I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
