if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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