There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
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there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
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It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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