I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
