he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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