Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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