I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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