2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always time for handjobs
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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