he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
