dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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