i love accidental penises.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
