Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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