Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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