too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
