just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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