oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
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i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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