TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Im just a social blackout drinker.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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