I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
