You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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