he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
