My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
