just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
high people should be assigned attendants
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
