You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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