i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
