Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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