i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
