She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
