Barsexuality is the new black.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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