Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
