she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just forgot I was standing up.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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