Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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