my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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