I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
