when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
